Chronicles of a Recovering Type A+ Perfectionist: A Blog is Born
Hi Friend,
Have you ever thought you were simply lacking in creativity? I have — and I know this is pretty common among lawyers and other logic-oriented professionals. But before giving up hope on the right side of your brain, I encourage you to think back to your childhood. What did you do for fun before you cared if someone else was watching? Before you started feeling the need to please, perfect, and perform?
When I was little, my parents described me as a "creative spirit." I had big aspirations of being a movie star, and I could spend hours on end exploring the fantasies of my own mind. But until very recently, I'd all but forgotten that version of myself because the teenager and woman I grew up to be couldn't have been more different from that girl.
You see somewhere along the line — my freshman year of high school, if I had to pinpoint it — I started to witness and experience some really painful things that were completely beyond my control. Because that was far too terrifying of a proposition to accept, I subconsciously determined that I could fix things for myself and for my family if I was only GOOD enough. If I was perfect. The arts were too subjective to guarantee perfection, but academics, now THERE was something which, if I worked hard enough, I could perfect. So I did. I perfected my way to being valedictorian of my high school, to graduating with the highest GPA in my residential college at Yale, and with all honors from Yale Law School. And I stifled every ounce of my creativity in the process. So much so that I've experienced extreme imposter syndrome while teaching about creativity in my Positive Lawyering course, fully convinced that I'm "the least creative person on the planet."
It wasn't until very recently, as I've been curiously observing the increasing bursts of creativity and inspiration that have accompanied the launch of my coaching business, that I've remembered and sought to reconnect with my creative spirit, realizing that she's been in there all along, buried deep beneath the weight of my perfectionism.
I couldn't put it better than Liz Gilbert does in Big Magic:
“I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more than a deep existential angst that says... ‘I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.'”
This photo is of me playing dress up in my grandmother's mink coat years before my perfectionism became so entrenched that I lost sight of my ability, and even my desire, to play at all.
But I've decided that creativity looks, and much more importantly, FEELS good on me, and I'm excited to let it out.
And so this blog, Chronicles of a Recovering Type A+ Perfectionist, is born.
People who know me might be surprised to see me blogging given how much I’ve long bemoaned how much I detest writing. Turns out I hate it because it scares me, insofar as it threatens to expose my inadequacies and imperfections (whether in syntax or sentiment). But people who know me ALSO know that I am determined to start pushing through my fear so I can finally, for the very first time, live my life fully authentically, on my very own terms.
So I invite you to join me on this imperfect journey by subscribing below. It won’t be flawless, but it will be honest, and I expect both of us will learn some things about ourselves along the way. And if what I write does resonate with you (or that inner child/creative spirit deep within you), please don’t hesitate to reach out to let me know. My hands down favorite part about writing is that it’s enabled me to connect with incredible humans just like you, and you inspire and embolden me more than you could ever know.
With love and gratitude,
Jordana
