Big-Picture Perfection
Hi friend,
In the past week, I've spoken with a number of people caught in the short-sighted stranglehold of their perfectionism:
The law student who can't bring himself to stop reading every case for class, even though it virtually guarantees he won’t have enough time to create — much less study — his outlines before his exams
The partner who routinely needs to write off time because she can’t help but spend twice as much time poring over an assignment than the client is actually willing to pay for
The associate who finds himself delivering less than his highest-quality work product because he’s exhausted and spread much too thin, but who refuses to take time to recharge because there’s “just so much left to get done”
The parent/professional who continuously depletes herself beating herself up for her inability — no matter how hard she tries or how little she sleeps — to simultaneously give 100% of herself to both of these full-time roles (because it really SHOULD be doable if she’s just a little more efficient, right?!)
Why do we do this to ourselves?!
We do this because our anxious brains truly believe that the impossible should be attainable, that more is always better, and that the only way to do our best work (and, in turn, to keep ourselves safe from failure, rejection, and disappointment) is to commit every ounce of energy we’ve got to plowing forward in order to perfect whatever task is right in front of us.
But the problem is that our anxious brains are wrong.
The impossible is not attainable — no matter how doggedly determined we may be to make it so.
And more is not always better — especially when we’ve got only a finite amount of time, energy, and focus at our disposal, which is literally always the case.
Under these conditions, we need to work smarter, not harder.
We need to prioritize.
And rather than succumbing to the anxious impulses of our perfectionism, we need to aim for BIG-PICTURE PERFECTION — i.e., the best possible outcome given the constraints of the reality in which we’re operating.
To do this, first ask yourself:
What are the most important things I need to get done?
Note that the answer to this question will be much different — and SHORTER — than your anxious brain’s answer to the question, “What needs to get done?”
Your anxious brain will ALWAYS tell you that way more needs to get done than you can actually do. So if you try to tick things off one by one (or, worse yet, spend time knocking off inessential tasks simply because they’re less daunting than your higher-stakes items), the most important things will regularly end up getting short shrift.
Next, ask yourself:
What steps can I take to do the best I can OVERALL in each of the areas I’ve deemed most important?
To do this, work backward from the total amount of time, energy, and focus you have to give, and determine how much of each of these precious resources you will devote to each of your priority items in order to achieve the best overall outcome.
As you do this, it is important to be honest with yourself about how much time/energy/focus each of your tasks will actually require.
It is equally essential to recognize and honor the fact that your energy and focus will be MUCH more readily depleted (making you far less efficient with your precious time) if you don’t take steps to intentionally replenish them — which means that your “big-picture perfection plan” ought to include time for restorative activities, too.
Allocating your time will inevitably require you to make hard tradeoffs and case-by-case assessments, such as:
What’s more important here — quality or quantity? (i.e., Is it better to bill two more hours or give myself the rest I’d need to be more clear-headed during the hours I work?)
What’s the priority — punctuality or perfection? (i.e., Does my supervisor care more that I get him the memo within the deadline/time the client requested, or to provide the most comprehensive work product possible?)
Recognizing that I can’t possibly give as much as I want to give in every area of my life, what allocation of time/energy/focus best honors my values?
Accepting that I can’t do it all, how can I get to the crux of what’s most important?
Be prepared to sit with the anxiety and discomfort that will inevitably accompany making these tradeoffs. Your anxious brain will no doubt send up danger signals, warning that you risk disaster (not to mention lapsing into full-fledged lackadaisicalness) if you deviate from your standard perfectionist approach.
When this happens, I encourage you to (compassionately) remind your brain that these tradeoffs are inevitable, and that you are making them on an ongoing basis whether you choose to accept that fact or not.
So you might as well accept it so you can make these choices intentionally.
Because perfection is a myth — but if we can bring ourselves to stop stubbornly pursuing this mirage, we can achieve big-picture perfection.
So today, friend, I encourage you to honestly ask yourself:
Has your perfectionism been preventing you from attaining your own version of big-picture perfection?
If so, I encourage you to allow yourself to devote a few moments of your precious time, energy, and focus to working through the steps above. I promise it will be time well-spent.
As always, please don’t hesitate to reach out if there’s any way I can support you in this effort. And in the meanwhile, know that I am rooting for you.
With love,
Jordana
