Behind the Scenes
Hi friend,
If you’ve seen the pictures I’ve posted of my daughter Poppy, you might think that my motherhood experience has been all smiles, snuggles, and spoonfuls (ok… more like faceplants full) of carrots and oatmeal.
You’d be missing the full picture.
What you wouldn't see – both because I don’t care to document it and because it’s physically impossible to hold a camera while trying to simultaneously pat, bounce, rock, and otherwise soothe a flailing baby – is what things look like in our house after approximately 7pm. (Still waiting on that third hand, evolution!)
You wouldn’t see the apprehension, followed by determination, then frustration, exhaustion, and finally despair that follows when my daughter instantaneously switches from sweet and smiley to downright inconsolable.
You wouldn’t see the simultaneous waves of relief and worthlessness that wash over me when someone else steps in and is able to soothe her in a way that I could not – relief that she’s comforted, and a deep pang of inadequacy that I couldn’t be the one to do it.
And you wouldn’t see the many ways my inner critic tries to kick me while I’m down (especially when fatigue has eroded my capacity for self-compassion), chastising my capabilities as a mother and catastrophizing about what will happen if these circumstances endure.
This is a lot like what happens when you view someone’s LinkedIn post celebrating their recent promotion or professional accomplishment.
You see their polished persona and the crafted narrative they’ve put forth about their triumph.
But you don’t see the fears or insecurities that lurk beneath the surface – and, if they’re anything like me, the intense waves of imposter syndrome and anxiety they experience every time they hit “post.”
You don’t see the many accolades they’ve pursued and not secured – or the myriad detours, struggles, and downright stumbles they’ve encountered on their path to this success.
And you don't see the countless times they've compared themselves to others – perhaps even you! – and concluded that they're not enough.
It’s natural to compare yourself to others. (Thanks again, evolution!)
But the comparisons we make are almost always based on incomplete information – often layered with a cognitive distortion or two, to boot.
In the world of high-achievers, these distortions regularly fuel imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and burnout.
But if we can learn to identify and interrupt them, remind ourselves of our shared humanity, and show ourselves some compassion, we can start to break the cycle.
So the next time you notice your inner critic piping up, pointing to someone else’s achievement as proof that you don’t measure up, please remind yourself:
That person likely has that same voice niggling in the background of their own mind,
You can’t believe everything you think, and
It is neither fair nor accurate to judge your insides by someone else’s outsides.
You’ve got this, friend.
You are not alone, you are not behind, and you are more than enough exactly as you are.
With love,
Jordana
